Self Improvement means taking THE CORRECT action

I had a client in the other day who showing all the signs of being “down in the dumps.” He was sitting on the couch, slumped over, frown on face, visibly depressed, his expression said, “I hate my life.” He was dating a woman prior to this point and she had just ended the relationship. So I asked him, “What do you want now?” He told me, “I want to have a meaningful, lasting relationship and to build a family with a partner and children.”

What I said next totally caught him off guard, “No you don’t.” He was shocked by what I said and begin to voice his objection, “How can you say that? I know what I want, you’re not me, only I know what I want.”

Then I asked him, “I totally agree that’s what you THINK you should be doing, or that this is what you truly want, but your actions speak much louder than your words….or thoughts. Your current behavior won’t get you those results.” He wanted to hear more, “How so?”

“Say you’re a physical trainer and you get a new client who comes in enthusiastic and ready to get started. She tells you, ‘I want to lose 40 pounds and get in the best shape of my life.’ Alright, everyone seems to be on the same page here. Then she says “Oh, but I don’t like to diet and I’m not fond of exercising either.” This woman says she wants to lose weight and get in shape, but she’s not willing to put the effort in to make that happen. Then I asked, “Do you think she’s going to lose that weight with her current ‘plan to not do anything….just want?’” “Absolutely not,” he said.

Self Improvement is based upon a simple question: Are you doing the things you need to do to accomplish what you want? Do your actions match your goals? No matter what people say they want, if they aren’t willing to do the things they need to do, change will not occur. If you are trying to quit smoking and choose to hang out with friends who smoke, you’ll probably want to smoke and then you might break down and light one up. You chose to hang out with those people, you put yourself in that situation. You actions did not match what you claim to want which is that you want to quit smoking.

Action truly does speak louder than words.

If I were to say, “I hate my life,” and then continue to do everything the same as I’m doing, will I ever stop hating my life? The old saying goes, “Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” If you want things in your life to change, you need to change the things in your life. If you currently say “I hate my life,” you need to change things up. There are a lot of things you can do but for starters substitute “I hate my life” with, “I’m having a great day!” Even if you don’t mean it at first, say it, then say it again, then say it with a smile on your face. Every time you start to think “I hate my life” catch yourself and replace it with “I’m having a great day.”

I typically tell most of my clients another adage; “knowledge is power” is flat out wrong. Knowledge does not give us power by itself, it is the ACTIONs we take based upon that knowledge to enable us to become powerful. Knowing how to build a bridge doesn’t get you to the other side, only building that bridge can do that. When we choose self improvement and build our bridge towards a better life, we know it starts with choosing the right behaviors and the correct actions.